"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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