I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
