My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you never un-have a 4some
did i just pee glitter
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
