We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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