The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the condom got lost in my hair
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
