this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it's like iHOP with fire
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
