I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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