is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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