after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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