if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
