He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
