you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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