just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
