You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
