if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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