Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
