carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
