So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
In America we eat man semen.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
