I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
