"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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