those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
