There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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