she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
