Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
