so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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