The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
