I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
