Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
