That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
