Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i think i have two assholes
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
