you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
