____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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