My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
