He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
