we're chasing vodka with high fives
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
