Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We are all done wearing pants today
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
