Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
