I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
