The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
