If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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