Your dad touched me again.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
