I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
