I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
