you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
