he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
