Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
