I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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