sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
