question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
