I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
